Until This Body Is Blue

Does anybody hear me?
Does anybody feel the way I do?
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody live a life that’s true?
Can anybody overcome the fears that seem
To be condemning the average dream
Can anybody overcome the walls that grow
as sense and logic falls
Does anybody live without hypocrisy
As the way of this world become part of me?
I don’t want to be that confused
I don’t want to be that self abused
If my love is to be refused
It won’t be by me I will live honestly
I will give everything I can give
I will make love the way I live
I will share I will care
and I will not let fear
Keep me from being aware
I have a choice in everything I do
I won’t ignore what I know is true
I won’t hurt me just to satisfy you
Even if my message never gets through
I will say it until this body is blue
Love is the only way that’s true
Love is the only right thing to do

As Much As Anything Else

An email arrived to let me know that a blog entry from 2005 had a broken link, so I went back to the entry and fixed the link and added another half dozen links cuz it was there, out of the blue. Then, as if guided by some unseen force (like the brain cells in the head, ya know?), continued the retrospective journey through the previous daily (kind of randomly started in the middle, for what it's worth) that was not exactly mind blowing, but it was as profoundly moving on some level (if I was awake) as anything, true story. Then, as if guided by yet another email, I almost discovered the strangest man on the internet again, by many names known as many strangers are.

and I had friends once
true friends, real friends, once
friend who would take care of me
if I was falling down drunk
or helpless in some other way
the way I helped so many
yesterday

and sometimes I wonder who cares
and sometimes I wonder why
sometimes I wonder who's out there
sometimes I wonder eye to eye
but everyone turns and looks away
nobody ever wants to stay
I seem to ask too much of humanity
all I ask for is... honesty

so sometimes I just throw caution to the winds
sometimes I wonder if it means anything
sometimes I wonder where I've been
sometimes I wonder why I sing

what do you see
philosophy?
honestly
do you even know me

After all is said and done, can't we just have fun?

Connections

“Where there is great love, there are always wishes.”

“There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.”

“That is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great.”

But what really came out of the blue was...

“Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can happen to one again.”

And all I could say was...

Oh wow, just an awefull (as opposed to awful, so perhaps awefilled is a better word, if it is a word, but before I digress to far from the point filled with awe and oh wow), oh wow. This morning I wrote this letter and when I get to my office I the wind blow the desk calendar to the quote on today’s calendar page.

“Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can happen to one again.”

I know a few people who might actually really get that (perhaps deeper than they want to go). Hello out there, if you do. It is a quote I’ve lived in this life and the oh wow comes because I do not believe I ever read the words in that quote before. Thank you Willa Cather. From what I read, I probably would never pick up one of your books based purely on the subject matter, but I will be looking for your letters that were published in the last few years, with great respect, in case your really did not want them published as I read in a Publisher’s Weekly article.

Whenever I read about someone who lived long before I lived I wonder what their life might have been like and usually, I shudder at the thought of living in their times. The level of ignorance, repression, and delusion around me today is way higher than anything I want to be around, or in. I find it challenging to imagine the past human cultures as any more enlightened or willing to expand the possibilities of thought and perspective than we are today and as I said, today is stifling outside of my mind. Maybe you just had to be there.

Or maybe you just have to read the letter to feel it.

I could be wrong. The age of instant global information may actually create more oppression of thought, or at least more openly voiced (and often violent) conflict and oppression of thought than the age when information took months to travel the globe and much of one’s life was never known outside of a very small circle in their own lifetime. Still, being insulated by lack of communication in smaller bubbles would not be conducive to a world I want to live in any more than this world today.

“Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can happen to one again.”

Some memories are not even memories, but they are more real than anything that can ever happen.

The mind is an amazing entity, experience, and place to be once we remove the shackles of fear, stop defending ignorance, stop pretending knowledge (no less fighting over theories), and open it to the relatively infinite possibilities.

And then…. play with the connections without spending too much time or energy wondering (or debating) whether they are coincidence or not. Like a six letter last name starting with C, for instance lol lam laa).

Just days before The First of May

I Still Imagine

I still imagine
mostly when I am asleep
I still have dreams
and promises to keep

I let distractions
keep me in a daze
a life out of control
without the purple haze
minor infractions
keep me off my game
a world of apathy
a world of guilt and shame
a world of delusions
a world of lies and pain
a world of madness
a world of going insane
a world of sadness
a word of inside a brain
I still imagine
we can love again

was it just your innocence
or did you really understand
would you live another life
always holding my hand
can two become one in this world
or is that fantasy
can fairy tales become real
what is reality?

I still imagine
a world living as one
with no possessions
nothing to spoil the fun

there is more to this
waiting for you
your part is for you to write
you know it's true

two hands holding
two hands working
one being living
one shared life

to hearts beating
two minds bonding
one direction
man and wife
equal partners
one shared life

Let Yourself Love (Unconditionally)

The precious comes
out of the blue
it's never expected
and sometimes rejected
out of surprise
out of fear
but fear can be overcome
to let something new
change everything
like a new song you sing
out loud and free
fearlessly

True love comes
out of the blue
it's never expected
though sometimes rejected
out of surprise
out of fear
but fear can be overcome
when the heart is true
let it touch your soul
let it take control
let yourself be
in love

honestly
openly
completely
totally
endlessly
for all to see
let yourself love
unconditionally

Let yourself come
out of the blue
it's sometimes rejected
but when it's accepted
there is no better
feeling, it's true
being in love
is the best thing we can do

It is the precious
It is the magic
it is the answer
blowing in the wind

It is the treasure
It is the wonder
it is where we're going
and where we've been

Don't try to hide it
and pleaae don't waste it
holding it back
has to be the worst sin

let it flow inward
let it flow outward
let it connect you
to the ultimate win

Let it comes
out of the blue
it's never expected
though sometimes rejected
out of surprise
out of fear
but fear can be overcome
when the heart is true
let it touch your soul
let it take control
let yourself be
in love

honestly
openly
completely
totally
endlessly
for all to see
let yourself love
unconditionally

it's something you do
let your heat be true
and let the precious
come to you
let the precious
become you

(The Precious )