no van gogh

i see the the blurry world of van gogh
oh
but that is not the way i want to go
even though i understand the suffering or knowing
and the fear of innocence and honesty
the fatigue of sixty years on
comes on strong
almost suddenly
as if it was a wall
always there waiting
to be run into

suddenly despair
swallows hope and energy
as apathy consumes
me

the sad comes out of the blue
waiting for someone to see through
waiting for someone to care
but no one seems to want to
so only the sad comes through

and yet i know the flip side
euphoria too
can suddenly come
out of the blue

waiting here for you

the point

maybe there is no other way to say to you today that i don't want to play delusion and dismay so take your rulebooks and your clay and make some other disarray in your own image you can pray someone like me might go away when someone like you comes to stay... but even if the whole thing was a lie... we can still dream of seeing eye to eye...

standards too high for this world at this time
life is the point foolishly declined
maybe find solace amusement in rhyme
meter allows thought to be left behind
all but the one line clearing the mind
in this moment this world is resigned
to be so inclined to leave us behind
fears at this time so acceptibly blind
miss the point and get left behind

selling delusion and calling it kind
the tables can turn never to find
we are the world we bade declined
and in the end we missed the point
and were all left behind

so caught up in how we might be designed
we missed the point and got left behind

waiting for something we may never find
we missed the point and got left behind

born with two eyes we closed to be blind
we missed the point and got left behind

fearing the truth we pretend lies are kind
we missed the point and got left behind

i just do (how am i to know, part two - that's some powerful stuff)

desires come
out of the blue
from misty morning memories
to here and now with you

desires come
as if they are new
time and time again they come
in and out of the blue

and sometimes they call to me so loudly
i can't hear anything else
sometimes even so boldly that
i forget about myself

you were the one who should me how
powerful desire could be
so is it any wonder now
this is my fantasy

to be with you
one more time
for all eternity

can a love this strong
be wrong?
(you tell me)
(what can be?)

can a love this strong
be wrong?
not for me

how am i to know?

it could be a hundred years
it still feels like yesterday
suddenly you're here with me
so real, oh could it be
i can feel you touch me

it comes right out of the blue
just as i've forgotten you
suddenly it all returns
suddenly my heart still yearns
suddenly the passion burns
the world turns

and i need to know
i need to know
I need to know

oh what should i do
should i still want you
should i let you go
how am i to know
when you don't say a word
at least none that i've heard
am i missing something
can you hear me sing

am i just buried deeper than you want to go
or am i forgotten and will i ever know
should i stop wondering and just let go
oh oh, how can i know which way to go
oh oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

so what can i say about what happened yesterday
if it is forgotten does it matter anyway
is there any feeling when certain songs play
is it meaningless noise or something
you just push away

oh oh oh oh, do you want me to stay
oh oh oh oh, how am i to know
if you never say

am i supposed to read your silence
as wishing i would would understand
how afraid you are of losing me
am i supposed to take your hand
or just accept your silence
as the closing of a door
are you trying to tell me
you don't want me any more

has too much time passed for love to last
or there still an endless glow
in the window of your heart for me
how am i supposed to know

oh what should i do
should i still want you
should i let you go
how am i to know
when you don't say a word
at least none that i've heard
am i missing something
can you hear me sing

am i just buried deeper than you want to go
or am i forgotten and will i ever know

oh oh oh oh, do you want me to stay or go
oh oh oh oh, how am i to know

the science of faith

the universe may be infinite and there may be infinite universes, even is that does not make any logical sense semantically or rationally or in any way the human mind can comprehend at the moment so what is a scientist to do, take it on faith?... whether you believe in gods or dogs, in the rosetta stone or the rosetta mission, in an infinite universe or a quantum multiverse, unless you believe in nothing (which is still believing in something, though we will leave that path for another time), would you be afraid to blink if everything changed with every blinked?... the predominance of fear in human perception is quelled by some of the strangest things, delusions, mathematics, fantasies, and the favorite, the power of conformity, the acceptance of a finite idea called truth by the masses... majority rules, even when majority is wrong... it is not fair to anyone who sees beyond the accepted limits, especially when in almost every case, human fear seeks to destroy those reaching beyond accepted limits, but that is the history of humanity so far, alas, so before you ask which universe are we in, ask yourself what is your truth and that will likely define your answer to everything...

infinite fractals beyond perception
seeks belief to exist
string theory plus quantum conception
entanglement assist
reason and logic enters suspension
blind the top of the list
the mind of god is beyond comprehension
everything else is missed

what you believe defines you
even if you think you believe nothing
what you believe designs you
even if silence is the song you sing

are you ready for mass extinction
or do you live in mass delusion
where truth and lies have no distinction
you are the maker of your illusion

black holes, light years, dark matter, inflation
miracles may simply be what you cannot explain
blind faith, second sight, everything in relation
everything is everywhere can drive a mind insane

what fear is stronger
what's been around longer
fear of the unknown
or fear of not knowing

to be or not to be
is relativity
what is you, what is me
what is infinity
what is eternity
what do you want to see
makes your reality
even if it's fantasy

what you believe defines you
even if you think you believe nothing
what you believe designs you
even if silence is the song you sing

can it become more clear
you find what you seek here
genius or madness or bliss or fear
whatever you want will appear
when you believe you are aware
when you are aware

what you believe defines you
even if you think you believe nothing
what you believe designs you
even if silence is the song you sing

just when it's needed

whatever it is

could have been 9:13

almost a year went by before another entry appeared here and then, others appeared here as if they were there all along making the almost year without an entry disappear as if it was never even there, which only goes to prove that time is relative out of the blue, i mean, as if anybody really knows what time it is when someone asks what time is it?...

yes, it could have been 9:13, after all...